Exquisite communication requires subtlety. One word you probably use often is “but”. It implies a limitation or obstacle to whatever you say in front of it. For example, “I’m interested in becoming a coach but, I don’t really understand what coaching is.” The but negates or diminishes the first thing you said.

Today I would like to encourage you to remove the word but completely. Ok, that’s a big ask. And, I’m going to give you an alternative. Substitute but with the word and. You’ll be surprised how well it works!

Let’s go back to my example, “I’m interested in becoming a coach and I’m not really sure I understand what coaching is.” This is so much more engaging. You invite the listener to support you without having to overcome your implied objection.

I’ve become a bit famous for my use of the word and. Sometimes I will respond to a question or concern but saying, “this is an and conversation.” My brief statement slows the interaction down. It illuminates ambiguity and invites a creative exploration of the topic.

Here are some more examples of and conversations:

• I want to get a puppy and I’m worried it will be too much work.
• I want to change careers and I’m not sure where to start.
• I love eating toffee ice cream before I go to bed and I know it’s not a great choice for my health.

One more thought to help motivate you to toss your buts. You will find your conversations are richer. They invite an explorative conversation rather than a debate or persuasion to one side of the coin or the other.



Have some fun with this one. Commit to but annihilation for the next couple of days. I think you see yourself inviting fuller, more creative interactions. If you are a leader in your home or your workplace, you’ll love becoming the master of and conversations.